The Kit that was Afraid
by NefariaBlack
Summary: Theo worries about his future, and finds purchase on a happy memory


_Another one-shot written for a bunch of prompts (all at the bottom)._

 _Please don't go without a review._

 _Word count – 1.384_

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 **The Kit that was Afraid**

Theo usually enjoyed these late night conversations with his peers, but tonight he was off. He could see the others talking, he could even hear theirs voices, but he seemed incapable of listening. It was like being under water, which was befitting, seeing how they had gathered in the Common Room.

He could see Draco, paler than usual, thinner, haunted by his thoughts. Pansy was running her fingers through his hair, but none of them seemed to notice. Pansy was too busy teasing Blaise about some pure-blooded pretty girl in Ravenclaw, he realized, as his mind came up from the murk of his concerns.

"Don't you suppose we should learn how to cast a Patronus?"

The question blurted out from his lips before he could stop it. Pansy and Blaise raised their eyes to him. Draco kept his on the same spot somewhere on his shoes. Theo suddenly noticed how he never looked them in the eyes anymore, not since his father had been arrested.

"Whatever for?" Blaise was looking at him. Indignant. Clueless.

"You know what for," his answer sounded harsher than he meant, "there are plenty of Dementors going around, absolutely free to do as they please!"

"They are not free," Blaise's features had become frightful; this was a dangerous topic to discuss, especially at Hogwarts, "you know _who_ commands them."

"Why would you worry about such a thing, Theo?" Pansy's voice was impossibly coy, a decoy to lure him closer so that she could savour her blow all the better, "Isn't your father enough of a good servant to keep them off you?"

"Shut up, Pansy! You know being on his side doesn't mean we're safe! As for you, Theo," Blaise's tone was now biting, "I suggest you get yourself together. It's not like we're with Potter! It's ridiculous!"

"Is it? We all know he's right," Draco joined the discussion, at last raising his eyes to Theo.

"You two sobbing cry-babies! You wouldn't have to worry if you were truly faithful. We'll be Death Eaters once we're done with school. Do it right and you won't have to worry about Dementors!"

Pansy had stopped caressing Draco's silky hair during her manifest, and Theo saw how much more fragile looking his housemate had become. It was like he craved human touch these days, as if he would come apart should he be deprived of it. They all knew he was already a Death Eater, and they were all doing their best to ignore it. They had to, or they would go mad with fear. It had only been a few months, and it seemed to be taking an incredibly heavy toll on Draco. What would it do to them?

Slytherins didn't just break under pressure. They did what was necessary to push through and come out the other side, more or less broken, but alive and on top. Theo and Draco had turned to concerning. Blaise and Pansy were apparently taking the 'lashing out at reality' route.

"You're obviously missing something tonight," Pansy's coyness was back. Theo steeled himself for the next sharp cut. Blaise raised one of his eyebrows, appreciating the fight from the safe side of the barricade.

"And what would that be, Pansy?" Theo was starting to think that perhaps he could just lash out at her tonight to take the edge off.

"It's called dignity. Have some. It's free."

She gave him a sardonic smile. He thought about using his wand for a second. Then he remembered that they were all on the same side of the barricade. They had to stay together. So he shrugged his shoulders, not taking the bait. Fighting her was pointless. She was blind, for she did not know the reality of loss like he did.

"You're an idiot." Not fighting didn't mean turning on his back and offering his belly.

He retreated into his mind once more. He felt like an idiot, really. His father's allegiance should be enough of a protection, but the Dark Lord had already proved a ruthless Master before. His mother would have made sure his father kept him out of it, Theo was sure, but Mother was long gone.

Draco was the first to get up and leave, prompting the others to do the same. He just told them that he didn't feel like sleeping. They didn't argue.

He now had the entire room to him, and all of its shadows to haunt him, too. He wondered if his father had ever remained behind like he had today, thinking about his servitude to the Dark and what it would bring him. He probably had. But back then, the undertaking had a lot more perks to it than these days. His father had joined a growing movement that had slowly but steadily turned into a war. Theo would be tossed into the middle of an already raging war.

His mind went back to his earlier concern. A cold finger ran down his back. The mere thought of Dementors was making him cold.

Well, Slytherins did what was necessary, right?

So Theo got up from the leather armchair he was splayed on and moved towards the warmth of the dying fireplace. Once his hands felt warmer, he drew his wand.

He knew the spell. He had read about it endlessly. He had already attempted it several times. He practiced the motion a couple of times, managing to accidently tousle a soft looking rug at the feet of one of the sofas. He shook his head, he was obviously not focused.

For discretion sake, he casted several spells around him. No one would hear him; no one would pay attention should they stumble upon him. Then he practiced his enunciation. Only when he was sure that those two things were positively right did he venture into his memories, harvesting the happiness to cast his Patronus.

He gathered the happiest memory he could think of. Mother was not gone then.

 _He was little again, about six or so, and he had landed his broom in a rather clumsy fashion, after going through the canopy of an old oak. His mother had rushed to him, a troubled expression on her face, her scarlet lips slightly pouting. She had picked him up and carried him to his bedroom. Father was not home, so neither had to worry about "spoiling the boy" or "making a wimp out of him"._

 _Once in his childhood bedroom, his mother had casted spell after spell on him. She had told him his arm was broken, but that she could fix it. Then she had fed him a spoon of an awful looking and worse tasting potion._

" _It's Skele-Gro, it will fix your bones." She had such a kind smile, one that had only grown brighter when she offered him a Chocolate Frog and he jumped towards it, wanting to rid his mouth of the foul taste._

 _Then she had climbed in bed with him._

And that was the overwhelming feeling he had been looking for. The happiest memory he had.

 _The wrap of her long arms around him, the feeling of her soft and warm hands on his forehead and cheek, the kiss of her lips on his hair. In that moment, he was just a safe and loved little boy in the embrace of his pretty, young mother._

He had never felt like that again once she was gone. Theo pushed the longing off his mind and focused again on that day, reliving it in his mind, feeling warmer from within with every second of it. Once he was back in his mother's arms, he said, clearly,

" _Expecto Patronus_!"

At the beginning, it was just a little spark, but he held on to his mother. And the spark grew brighter, like her smile had, until a running shape leaped from the tip of his wand.

The gloomy Common Room was immediately illuminated, to the point of waking some of the portraits on the walls. But Theo cared nothing for them. He smiled.

A silvery fox sat in the air, before him, thick tail waving about.

Back when they were all happy, he remembered, father would call mother 'cunning little vixen'.

Theo felt as loved then as he did that night. Mother would keep him safe, after all.

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 _Author's Notes: Prompts and Challenges_

 _Religious Education Task 8_ _Totems - Write about someone's first time producing a Patronus._

 _Pokemon Challenge – Setting_ _Slytherin Common Room, Word: Scarlet Dialogue: "You're an idiot." Potion: Skele-gro_

 _Chocolate Frog Cards Challenge: (Bronze) Theodore Nott_

 _Geek Pride Challenge – Stand 2 TV shows Vampire Diaries: (dialogue) "It's called dignity. Have some. It's free."_

 _Geek Pride Challenge – Stand 4 Goodies Scarf: (word set) wrap, long, warm_

 _365 Prompts Challenge: 140_ _Food - Chocolate Frog_


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